Thank You For Not Morphing
Written by: Chris Levinson and Jack Estrin
Season 1, Episode 03
Episode Number: 03
[Scene: Outside the manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs heading towards the house across the street.]
Prue: So, we're agreed? Twenty minutes?
Piper: Prue, you can't do a party in twenty minutes.
Prue: Watch me.
Phoebe: Prue's party tips - meet, greet and bail.
Prue: Hey, I'm sorry but some of us have a job.
Phoebe: And some of us have fun.
Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day.
Prue: You know, that is a sign. Let's turn back now before it's too late.
Piper: No.
Phoebe: Prue, it's never too late for a party.
Piper: It's never too late, Prue.
Phoebe: Remember my sweet sixteen? (You see a dog in the bushes. They walk across the street and into Fritz, Marshall and Cynda's house.) Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we throw a party and charge commission. It's a great way to make extra cash.
Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don't you just get a job.
Marshall: The sisters Halliwell. Now the party can begin.
Cynda: It's about time you chicks showed.
Fritz: Hey, Prue, I'm glad you made it.
Prue: Wouldn't miss it for the world, Fritz.
Piper: Marshall, the place looks great.
Marshall: Thank you. We're mostly just restoring it. I didn't wanna change it too much. You guys knew the old owners didn't you?
Phoebe: Oh, we basically grew up with their kids. We probably know the house better than you guys.
Marshall: (to Fritz) Oh, hey, how's the bar?
Fritz: Oh, dry. I'll take care of it.
Cynda: No, my turn.
(Cynda crushes a beer can with her bare hands. Cynda walks away.)
Marshall: Try to behave, Cynda. We have guests.
Fritz: You know... sisters.
Prue: Tell me about it.
(Piper and Phoebe look at her.)
Marshall: So listen, enjoy the party.
Phoebe: Okay.
(Fritz and Marshall walk away.)
Prue: Okay, I came, I saw, I was perky. Now I just want my head on a pillow because I have to wake up early.
Phoebe: No. I mean, not yet.
Piper: Yeah, Prue, we just got here. It, it wouldn't look good.
Prue: Alright, what's going on?
Phoebe: Going on? What do you mean? (Phoebe sees Andy.) Oh, what a coinkidink. Look, who's here.
(Prue looks over at Andy. He waves.)
Prue: Phoebe, you didn't.
Phoebe: Well, your fingers weren't doing the walking, somebody's had to.
Prue: We've been through this. Okay, cop, witch, is not a love connection.
Phoebe: Boy, girl, lighten up.
(Andy comes over to Prue.)
Piper: Hi, Andy.
(Piper and Phoebe walk away.)
Prue: We're working on their subtlety.
Andy: Then it's onto ending hunger and creating world peace, right?
Prue: Hmm, what will I do with my Saturdays?
Andy: Funny you should ask. I don't mean to push you but I was wondering if you're not doing anything, I kind of have these tickets but they're for a Warriors game and you probably wouldn't be interested, so...
Prue: Well, the team can't do any worse than they did last year. Did you see him get creamed by the Lakers?
Andy: Impressive. Is that a yes?
Prue: You know, um, I need to check my book because I might have a thing.
Andy: A thing?
(Fritz walks up to them.)
Fritz: So Prue, I hear you're friends with a cop.
Prue: Inspector actually.
Fritz: Oh, yeah. I've got these parking tickets.
Andy: My focus is mainly homicide and robbery.
Fritz: Yeah, yeah. So I have these parking tickets...
Prue: Gotta go.
(Prue walks away.)
Andy: Prue, wait.
[Cut to outside. Prue walks back over to the manor. She notices the door's open.]
Prue: Phoebe.
(She walks inside and shuts the door. There's a dog on the stairs and it starts barking at her. She runs back outside. The dog's eyes glow.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: How big was this dog again?
Prue: Huge. Did you see the scratches on the attic door?
Piper: What was it doing in the house?
Prue: I don't know. Someone obviously left the front door open again.
Phoebe: Why do you always assume it was me? What about Piper?
Piper: Not it.
Phoebe: Well, it's not a big deal. We checked the house and nothing is missing except my Pat Boone Christmas CD.
Piper: Now this is really creepy. If there were a dog in the house, then it had to have an owner. No dog I know can open that front door, let alone reach the top shelf.
Phoebe: Hey, maybe we should get a security system.
Prue: No, they are way too expensive. Besides after what happened, Andy will be checking in every five minutes.
Piper: Oh, you told him.
Phoebe: Convenient. So what should we do?
Prue: Well, either we could rely on our vicious guard cat to protect us or we could remember to lock the doors.
(Prue walks in the laundry.)
Phoebe: That is a really good idea, Prue.
(Phoebe walks over and locks the door. Prue wiggles the door handle. Piper and Phoebe laugh.)
Prue: Unlock the door, Phoebe.
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue's sitting at her desk writing on a notepad. Victor walks in. He clears his throat. Prue looks up.]
Victor: I was told that you might be able to help me. (He pulls a ring off his finger.) I'd like to have this (he puts it on the desk) appraised.
Prue: Well, you would be better off going to the house's appraiser.
Victor: I've been there. He'd need a week. And I just... I wouldn't feel right without it. It's a family heirloom.
(She picks it up and looks at it.)
Prue: I think I've seen a ring similar to this before. The setting's quite old. At least 17th century. (She walks over to a shelf and picks up a book.) The stones looks like crystallite. Keep in mind this is just an educated guess.
Victor: Please, (he sits down) guess away.
Prue: I am not mistaken. It's a stone that the Egyptians believed would protect them against spells, curses, evil spirits. This wouldn't be a wedding band by any chance would it?
Victor: You tell me.
Prue: The stones are set in two's. The symbol of twoality. Man, woman. Like in protection.
Victor: And what does all that tell you?
Prue: Where did you get this ring? What did you say your name was?
Victor: I think you know what my name is... Prudence.
Prue: Get out, (she throws the ring on the table and stands up) and stay away from us.
(He puts on the ring.)
Victor: I'm staying at the Ballmark. What do you say you and your sisters join me for dinner? Let's say tomorrow night. We can talk.
Prue: After how you abandoned us? How dare you.
Victor: Fiery temper. I like that. It reminds me of someone I know.
Prue: I am nothing like you. I would never leave my responsibilities, my family.
Victor: I can see we have some issues to work through.
Prue: Oh, we've got the whole subscription. Now get out before I have you thrown out.
Victor: Is that anyway to talk to your father?
(He leaves.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: At a cafe. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are sitting at a table drinking coffee.]
Piper: I wonder why he went to you first? Why not Phoebe or me?
Prue: Piper, it's not like I won the lottery.
Phoebe: What was he like? Did he ask about us?
Prue: Actually, no. (Phoebe looks upset.) Phoebe, think about it. He abandoned us. He was a no show for twenty years and then what, suddenly here he is? Why now?
Piper: Maybe he just wants to be part of our lives.
Prue: After all this time? Don't get your hopes up.
Phoebe: Well, there's only one way to find out. Why wait till dinner? Let's go see him now.
Prue: Will you be rational. Don't you find it just a little suspicious that just when we find out...
(a waitress comes up to the table and picks up the dirty plates.)
Waitress: Let me get that for you.
(She walks away.)
Prue: Just when we find out we're witches he shows up. But when mum dies he's no where to be found.
Phoebe: He sent us birthday cards.
Prue: Selective memory. Grams always told us he was a threat to us. There's no reason to think that's changed.
Piper: Prue, it's not that I don't see your point but you knew him, we didn't. Why can't we have a chance to know now?
Prue: Because we really don't know why he's here and until we do we can't trust him.
[Scene: A hotel. Phoebe knocks on the door to Victor's room.]
Victor: Entrée.
(Phoebe opens the door and walks in. She walks down all hallway and into a room. She sees Victor getting a massage.)
Phoebe: Daddy?
Victor: Well, well. What a nice surprise.
(He stands up.)
Phoebe: I'm, uh, I'm sorry to just show up like this. I know I was supposed to wait for dinner but I...
Victor: No, nonsense. Welcome. Let me get a good look at you. This is my baby girl. Little... Piper? (Phoebe looks crushed.) Phoebe.
Phoebe: Yeah. That's okay. People confuse us all the time.
Victor: Are you kidding? I should be slapped and persecuted. Let me make it up to you. How about some room service?
(He heads towards the phone.)
Phoebe: I just ate actually.
Victor: A drink? You are legal, right?
Phoebe: Barely but no thanks.
Victor: A massage? I can call Lucy back.
Phoebe: No, really, I don't want anything. I just wanted to look at you.
Victor: It's like looking in the mirror isn't it? You've got you daddy's eyes, you know that?
Phoebe: I noticed that.
Victor: How about a hug? (They hug and Phoebe gets a premonition of Victor holding the Book Of Shadows. The premonition ends. The phone rings and they stop hugging.) They always manage to find me.
Phoebe: You know what? It's okay, I, I'll just see you at dinner, I've gotta go.
(Phoebe leaves.)
Victor: Phoebe. Phoebe, wait.
[Scene: Outside the manor. A mailman walks up the stairs to the front door. His index finger turns into a key, he unlocks the door and walks inside. He walks up the stairs and up to the attic. The attic door is locked so he breaks it down. He grabs the Book Of Shadows and runs back down the stairs. When he walks through the doorway, the book flies out of his hands. He picks it back up but it doesn't let him take it outside. He sees Prue coming up the stairs so he quickly closes the door and he throws the book in the living room. He shape shifts into Andy. Prue walks in.]
Prue: Andy, what are you doing in here?
Andy: Uh, door was open.
Prue: Again?
Andy: Yeah, I, uh, came by to check up and it was open. I looked around. Everything seems to be in order. (Prue sees the Book Of Shadows on the floor in the living room.) You want me to check upstairs?
Prue: Uh, no, no, no, that's okay really. (She uses her power and the book slides under a stand.) Oh, and, um, about tomorrow night, I've changed my mind.
Andy: Excuse me?
Prue: Well, you'll never believe who popped back into my life after twenty years. Victor, my dad.
Andy: Your dad?
Prue: Yeah, he wants to have dinner and I would really rather avoid that. Too bad the game's not tonight. (Cynda knocks on the door.) Uh, hi Cynda.
Cynda: Hey. Everything okay?
Prue: Yeah, thanks.
Cynda: Bye.
Prue: Nice party last night.
(Cynda leaves.)
Andy: I guess I'll get going too.
(He kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Prue locks the door. She walks over, picks up the Book Of Shadows and takes it back upstairs. She notices the broken door.)
Prue: What the hell?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper and Phoebe's there. Phoebe sits down at the table. Prue and Piper are looking through the drawers.]
Phoebe: You don't know for sure.
Prue: I know plenty. First someone rips off the attic door, then the Book Of Shadows is found downstairs. Isn't that enough?
(Piper gets a phone book out of a drawer.)
Piper: Why would somebody want the book? Here.
(She hands the phone book to Prue and they both sit down at the table.)
Prue: Well, for one reason, they know what it can do. They want its power, our power.
Piper: That would mean it's someone who knows us and knows that we're witches.
Prue: Yeah, someone like Victor.
Phoebe: What? Dad?
Prue: Look, just think about it. The moment he shows up someone makes two attempts to grab the book. Coincidence? I think not.
Piper: The craft is a chick thing, Prue. It's passed on down through the female line. There's a good chance dad doesn't even know we're charmed.
Prue: And there's as good of a chance he does.
(Phoebe remembers the premonition she had.)
Piper: What would he want with the book? And why would he take it from us? Phoebe, help me out here. Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay. Let's just say for the sake of argument that he is after the it. Wouldn't he of taken it with him? He wouldn't of left it behind.
Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as break in.
Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try steal our broomsticks? I mean, please. Besides, Andy's already been here.
Phoebe: Oh, so Andy was here again. Talk about convenient. Did you ever think about pointing the finger at him?
Prue: He's probably the one who scared Victor away. Until we find out what's going on and whether Victor's involved or not, we've got to hide the book. Either that or we can't leave the house.
Piper: Fine. Then we hide the book because I'm going to dinner tonight. I wanna see dad.
Phoebe: So do I.
Prue: I've already seen him.
[Scene: Restaurant. Piper, Phoebe and Victor are sitting at a table. Piper's nibbling on a carrot stick.]
Victor: Girls, it's so nice to see you. It's not like we don't have a lot to talk about.
Phoebe: We do. I mean, yeah, we have a few questions.
Victor: (to Piper) You know, the last time we ate dinner together, you would only eat food that was white. I'm glad to see you've out grown it.
Piper: That's right. I was four.
Victor: Phoebe, that would've made you what? One? (She nods.) You know, you couldn't walk yet but you could swim. You were a fish. (Phoebe laughs.) This feels right doesn't it? This feels natural, almost like normal.
Piper: Almost. It's just, um, well, why? I mean, after all this time, why here, why now?
Victor: Well, I heard the food is pretty good here and it is dinner time.
(Phoebe laughs. The waiter places a plate in front of Phoebe.)
Waiter: Here you are, ma'am.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Victor: Bon appetite.
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue takes a container of broccoli out of the microwave and pours them out onto a plate. The door bell rings.]
[Cut to the foyer. Prue walks in and opens the door. Andy's there.]
Andy: My plans for tonight fell through, figured I'd stop by.
(Prue opens the door wider and Andy walks in.)
[Time lapse. In the kitchen. Andy's sitting at the table. Prue carries two cups of coffee over to the table.]
Prue: And then all of a sudden there he was. He just showed up at work.
Andy: I can't believe it. How are you dealing?
Prue: Honestly, I'm not.
(She sits down.)
Andy: I don't blame you. What do you think he wants?
Prue: Dinner. Piper and Phoebe are there with him now. You know, they just don't understand. They don't know him like I do. I can't believe I let them go. I can't believe they went. He's acting like no time has passed, like I'm still his little girl and I'm not. There are things I want to tell him, I want him to know what he missed. You know, like the time I broke my arm or the day that I finally passed my drivers test, our prom.
Andy: Didn't we miss that too?
(They smile.)
Prue: I want him to know. I want him to want to know. And I'm sorry but I also want some answers, like where the hell's he been all my life. Why didn't he come back until now? He needs to know that that's not okay.
Andy: So tell him. I'll drop him off.
[Scene: Restaurant. Prue walks in and goes up to the table. Victor stands up.]
Victor: Prudence.
Prue: Did I miss much?
Phoebe: Uh, just catch up. Dad was filling us in. Memory lane.
Prue: Has he mentioned where he's been all our lives?
Piper: Prue...
Prue: I don't understand. If you can afford a spot like this, why didn't you help out when Grams died? We actually could've used it then.
Piper: Give him a chance, Prue. Dad's explained. The money, all this, it's new.
Victor: It's okay, Piper. I'm a big boy. I didn't come back earlier because I was afraid I might disappoint you.
Prue: Too late.
Piper: I wonder what's keeping that dessert?
Victor: Please, sit down. Have something to eat.
Prue: I'm not hungry.
Victor: Always in a hurry, Prue. You skipped crawling and went straight to walking.
Prue: Ah, we're sharing memories. Well, I got one of my own, you're back walking out the door.
(Just as a waiter walks past them holding a flambeau, Victor puts out his foot and trips him. Piper freezes him and the restaurant. She gets up and takes the flambeau out of the waiters hands. Everyone unfreezes and the waiter falls flat on his face.)
Piper: Who wants flambeau?
(The waiter stands back up and takes the flambeau off of Piper.)
Victor: Nice reflexes. Now let me get this straight. Piper, you freeze time. Prue, don't you move objects? And what's you specialty, Phoebe? Premonitions? Maybe we should talk about this elsewhere.
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Phoebe are sitting on the couch reading magazines. The mail man walks in. Piper jumps up.]
Piper: What are you doing here?
Mail Man: What do ya think?
(Phoebe jumps up.)
Phoebe: Get out now.
Mail Man: No, you've gotta get out.
Phoebe: We've got it under control.
Mail Man: No you don't because they're on their way back. (The mail man shape shifts into Fritz.) I thought you were in charge. Look, shape shift into yourself and we'll get back to the book later. (Phoebe shape shifts into Marshall.) Nice plan, Marshall.
Marshall: Don't piss me off, Fritz. (Piper shape shifts into Cynda.) How was I supposed to know Prue would come back with her sisters.
Cynda: That little witch was supposed to be out on a date with that cop.
Fritz: You really think you would've been able to trick Prue into getting the book out of the house?
Marshall: Well, we sure as hell can't now can we?
Fritz: So what now, genius?
(Cynda laughs and then turns into a demon-like creature.)
Cynda: We kill them.
[Cut to outside. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Victor pull up.]
[Cut back inside.]
Marshall: Cynda, heal. Plenty of time for that later. Heal.
[Cut back outside. Prue unlocks the door. When she opens it she sees three crows inside. They squawk and fly outside.]
Victor: Friends of yours?
Commercial Break
